Donald Trump says China and Mexico are stealing our jobs and swears he’ll stop it.
Simple. Ban all goods coming from those job stealers.
But Trump’s a big thinker. He surely won’t stop with just job-thieving China and Mexico. He’d ban all countries (except, perhaps, his beloved Mother Russia) from trading with the Red, White, and Blue since anything they would ship to us is something an American could otherwise have made.
Once international trade is fully banned, Trump would surely shut down immigration – all immigration since all those Muslims, wetbacks, and every other type of immigrant is coming here for only one reason — to steal our jobs (generally in the dead of night).
Tourists? Too many overstay their welcome and end up stealing, you got it, our jobs. Best keep them out. If that means foreign countries ban U.S. tourists, so be it. It’s been a long time since we had enough Americans visit the Atlantic City casinos.
In short order, then, we’d be living in splendid isolation.
But stamina-rich Trump wouldn’t rest. Soon he’d talk to himself in the mirror and learn that states were stealing jobs from other states. Can’t have that. Best stop all intrastate commerce and transit and for that matter all commerce between different parts of a given state and, it follows, different neighborhoods, and different homes within neighborhoods. Even different floors of the Trump Tower, actually individual apartments, would need to self-produce.
Again, the principal is simple, not made in my house is a job I could have done und Jawohl! Das ist verboten!
Yes, the tenants in the Tower would have to plant crops on their balconies, sew their own clothes, shine their own shoes, wash their own laundry, do their own dentistry, etc. But no one would take their jobs.
Hence, in the limit, our “presidential” candidate, Donald Trump’s trade policy keeps all our jobs safe by a very simple means – destroying them.
As one of only six presidential candidates who can legally be elected in November and who is a) not mentally deranged, b) knows the names of foreign leaders and all about Aleppo, c) has never lied under oath to a Congressional Committee, d) has never used a non-profit charity to bribe a public official, e) has never stolen from a non-profit charity, f) has never risked our nation’s security for his personal convenience, g) has never invited the Russians to invade the Baltics, h) has never flipped his position on anything, let alone on the drop of a hat, to garner political support, and g) who isn’t repulsive to over half the country, let me invite the public to elect me President and elect Edward Leamer Vice President on November 8th.
All you need do is write these nine words in the spaces provided on your ballot.
Laurence Kotlikoff for President
Edward Leamer for Vice President.
But, be advised, much of the national media thinks you are too stupid for this task. They apparently equate your intelligence with Trump’s.